I cleaned the rebadged Corolla hatchback this morning

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 05/08/2016 at 19:29 • Filed to: marriage

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No big deal, right? Looks like any dirty car on a shady used car lot, you might be thinking. WRONG.

When my wife says she isn’t passionate about cars, she means that in the most extreme way. All I have for you is the after pics of the interior, because the before ones are NSFL. Cheese on the floor mat. Moist cashews that had permanently mated with the carpet. Garbage in every available crevice. Makeup, dog toys, receipts, change, everywhere. She was doing a really good job when she first got the car. But an increased workload, new puppy, an other factors have reverted her to living out of car like the old days. And yesterday’s road trip just made the car look like a hurricane had passed through.

I feel guilt when I leave an empty water bottle in my car. My wife cares more about “people” and “faaaamily” than inanimate objects. Probably why I’m so drawn to her, being the complete opposite and all :)

I had also replaced her rear wiper blade and reconnected the wire to her blinker that had rattled loose. Did you know the instructions for replacing the front driver’s side blinker bulb require you to remove the battery? I said “fuck that” and did it anyway, but yeah there’s like no access over there, pain in the ass.

She expressed her gratitude of my collective efforts, and I simply requested that at the very least, for the love of Jesus, keep the food of the seats and the ground. I can handle the rest.

Anyway back to the trip. We killed so many damn bugs, you could barely see out the windshield. Here are some photos of what the bumper looked like before I washed it:

We also hit something so big, it’s guts-print on the windshield was larger than a 50-cent piece.

TheHondaBro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:38

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I hit a Yellow Jacket one time. It actually left a small patch of yellow/black stripes on my bumper.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > TheHondaBro 05/08/2016 at 19:39

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That is the fate they all deserve

OPPOsaurus WRX > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:45

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She expressed her gratitude. Bow chicka bow wow

1111111111111111111111 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:45

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That’s a mountain drive I love on a road called aufderheide in Oregon. In the spring the bugs are mostly butterfly’s eating shit in the road. They make a puff when you hit them, and after coming out of the hills your windscreen is covered in butterfly dust.

MultiplaOrgasms > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:46

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Americans...

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > MultiplaOrgasms 05/08/2016 at 19:47

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Can’t have it all

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > 1111111111111111111111 05/08/2016 at 19:49

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We drove by a lot of farms, and I’m thinking we must have hit a lot horse or deer flies, because sometimes there would just be huge splashes of blood.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:50

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That's such a boring drive too. Looks good!

TheHondaBro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:52

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Death by VTEC is how I want to go.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two 05/08/2016 at 19:52

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The worst drive I’ve done is still from Seattle to SLC, specifically the stretch from Boise to Provo. There is NOTHING.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > TheHondaBro 05/08/2016 at 19:53

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What about LIFE by the 1UZ instead?

TheHondaBro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:54

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Some say he was born out of a 1UZ-FE at 4,000 RPM...

Funktheduck > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 19:54

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I washed my car today. The front bumper looked like it was covered in bugs still after. It's not. Just a thousand little chips from rocks and dirt.

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > TheHondaBro 05/08/2016 at 20:01

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A 1uz with a straight pipe.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 20:06

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I've done that run a bunch of times and yes between Boise and Ogden there is nothing but rocks and tumbleweeds

Svend > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 20:07

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I know the pain well. Neighbour asked me to clean her late 2006 Ford Mondeo the other day. It was like a sh1t storm happened inside but I had seen it worse. A year ago when I did a quick clean of the same car found five coffee mugs, three plates, countless pairs of shoes and wellies, boiled sweets, crackers, other small childrens rubbish, etc... (apparently the coffee mugs are to keep other parents from coming to talk to her when she goes to pick up the kids from school). She a day later has a nice Vauxhall Zafira that should be easier for me to clean.

I thought I’d make both our lives easier when I come to clean her car next and bought her a full set of OEM mats as a car warming present.

jkm7680 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 21:25

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My name is Jkm7680 and I’m Insane.

The windows in my car are not allowed to go down because I want to preserve the new car smell.

dsigned001 - O.R.C. hunter > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/08/2016 at 22:26

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We loved our little corolla hatch...: (. It met an unfortunate end at the hands of its main driver, aka my wife. We mourn its passing to this day.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 05/09/2016 at 02:29

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In my LED conversion, the front blinker bulbs hurt to remove...but you only have to shift the battery over...then try to wrench loose the bulb backing thing...and the interior can easily get nasty....really nasty.